Wednesday, June 23, 2004

going it alone

It's been almost two weeks since I've been to my counseling group sessions or an AA meeting. I'm not too worried about the former; I've been in the group almost three times as long as the recommended treatment length, and I'm going to leave it soon anyway. And I don't really feel as if I need AA. I know that I cannot drink safely. Therefore, I don't drink. I needed a lot of handholding at first. I'm past that though, I think. Drinking is not an appealing option to me.

I guess what's bothering me is that I feel very alone and spiritually vacant without some sort of guiding philosophy/group/whatever to keep me grounded. My thinking patterns have gotten progressively different in the past few weeks, and not always in a good way.

I wish I did believe in some kind of religion or fit into a recovery group, but the people in them have always rubbed me the wrong way.

I gave up instant gratification. Now what?

A reason. A purpose. A mission. Where?


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