Thursday, May 06, 2004

What elephant?

Should I be studying, or should I be blogging?

I don't know, but this feels more right at the time. That and I've been pathologically avoiding studying over the past few days. One thing I've learned over the years is that avoiding a small activity is usually a way of mentally avoiding something even larger or deeper. Like right now, I'm sure I'm avoiding thinking about completing my degree.

I'm a major avoider and a major procrastinator -- we alcoholics and children of alcoholics are like that. The way out is through the bottle -- there, it's gone now, isn't it?

I once trashed my perfect credit rating because I stopped paying my credit card bills. I had the money to pay them. But I didn't -- I told myself a dozen excuses of why I couldn't. The real reason? I'd actually have to face up to the fact that my savings were dwindling down and I would soon be broke -- which would mean I'd have to find a job. Which I couldn't do -- I was drinking 'round the clock. And I did that because of all the other things I didn't dare look at...

But this isn't what I wanted to write about tonight -- that's right, I'm avoiding it -- but I'll get to it in time.


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