Monday, April 05, 2004

still living in this world

Here I am again, isolated in my little cocoon. I've spent the day alone at home except for venturing out to an A.A. meeting. It didn't go too well.

The topic, for some reason, was gossiping -- and it turned into pretty much just that. Sometimes a meeting will just make me want to run in the opposite direction and never come back, and this was one of those meetings. I'd thought that long-time A.A.'s would be beyond such things, but apparently not. It kind of depressed me... in some way I've been looking for the spiritually pure to kind of save me somehow. I was hoping I'd find that in A.A., but maybe not.

It was kind of funny, on tonight's episode of The Sopranos, Christopher, a recovering alcoholic, went out drinking and totally off the deep end over a false rumor. Tony tells him: "Who cares what they think? You know the truth." To which Christopher replies: "Yeah, but I gotta live in the world."

That really struck a chord with me on a few levels. You do the right thing, you try to clean yourself up inside, but everything around you stays the same.

Try as hard as I might to find another way, I still gotta live in this world. And I really haven't liked it very much for a long time.

Okay, maybe I'm rambling... I've been a little spacey (manic?) today. To recap the week... I don't even really remember, so it couldn't have been anything too important.

Time to pray and to sleep.


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