I hate you

It's been an up and down week, and it's ended with me being bitter and pissed off.

I went to quite a few A.A. meetings, and it felt pretty good to do it.

I enrolled in a college distance education course. It looks a little interesting, but also like a lot of work.

I wrote a letter to an old friend/girlfriend telling her what I've been up to in the past five years. It'll be interesting to find out what she thinks of it. But maybe I'll never know.

I went to my friend's going away party at a bar Thursday night. It was pretty bizarre. A few girls I used to hang out with were there, as well as another old friend and a couple of acquaintances. I shot some pool, doing fairly well to my surprise, and talked a good bit, also to my surprise. I left with that feeling of wondering whether I made a fool or an ass out of myself.

The past few days at work I've been a little out of kilter. A little less adroit and apt to hide my thoughts and emotions, most of them negative, of course. I actually briefly yelled at someone today. I think that is a first at work. Again, I left with that feeling of wondering whether I made a fool or an ass out of myself.

And I can't help but keep thinking that life just sucks. I am going nowhere. I have nothing. I have nobody.

And it seems like nobody cares. And that hurts. Because I'm fragile and every slight makes me feel a little less worth living. And that's why so often I think I hate all of you.