Tuesday, April 13, 2004

still faking it

So, I've just taken my night meds, and it's a race against the clock until I can no longer write because I can't hold a thought.

The past week? Oh, I don't know. It was okay for a while. Getting back into the groove of schoolwork, and I went to a couple of AA meetings. I really do like some of them. I'm just still really apprehensive about getting involved for various reasons.

The weekend and today kind of sucked. I can feel myself getting those manic-like symptoms. They aren't too harsh. But they're there, and they scare me. Sometimes parts of my brain just seem to shut down while others speed up to a million miles an hour. Like tonight.

I was an asshole at work tonight. I couldn't contain my bitchiness, paranoia, and slightly condescending attitude. One of my co-workers asked me to pick up a few of their shifts for the next few weeks, and I just about lost it. It was really embarrassing in hindsight. I hate to be seen like that. As they say, it takes a lifetime to build a reputation and a second to ruin it. I just don't know what to do about it. Pray, apologize where I can, and move on, I guess.

Other things have been bothering me, too. I'm not sure if I should mention them here. Let's just say I had a minor incident yesterday. After seeing something that disturbed me. I'm not sure what to do about this problem. But I really think it's hindering me in my recovery. Again, I'll pray, and maybe some God will do something.


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