hesitation

Well, I guess I have a girlfriend.

We've been going on a couple dates a week and talking on the phone daily. I didn't necessarily want to push it into an exclusive dating relationship, but that's what she seems to want and I haven't argued against the idea. She's nice, she's fun to be around, she likes me a lot, she treats me very well, she's fairly cultured, educated, cooks well (and likes to do it), and does other things well (and likes to do that...)

It's fun to have a girlfriend, and it's nice to be dating again after so long... but I'm not really getting the feeling that she's "the one." Still, I don't really want to end what we have at this point. So I'm unsure whether I should tell her everything I feel right now. She also wants us to sleep together. We've done everything but that, but for some reason I don't think I'd feel right doing it. I guess it's because I don't see the relationship as being a permanent thing. So I guess what it comes down to is I'm unsure of what of this to tell her. I'd still like to continue dating; and I guess this could become a very long term thing... but something inside of me is telling me to hold back.

it's been a long time

Now it's really been too long since I've written here... Well, it's been an interesting couple of weeks -- at least interesting for the drudgery that is my life. I've been a bit afraid to post any of it here because it's the kind of thing that embarasses me and because putting it down might cause me to have to think some things through.

Well, I went on a date -- the first in about 6 years. We met over an internet dating site. It went OK, I guess. She is into me. I am not so sure it works both ways. She's not as cute as I hoped she would be after seeing her pictures... it sounds mean to say this, but I probably never would have talked to her had I had better quality photos.

Anyway, she's calling all the time now and seemingly wants to push things further. I'm not so turned off by this person that I want to run away, but I'm not so sure I shouldn't, either. So I've been thinking things through, and I guess what I'm going to try to do is to be as open as I can about what I am thinking and what I want and don't want, and ask the same of her. Then, we can work from there.

My job is driving me crazy. I hope I earn enough seniority soon to start refusing some overtime... I really can't handle these long days and weeks for much longer.

There's more, of course, but that will do for now. It won't be as long until next time...