Saturday, July 31, 2004

alone but not lonely

So I really don't know what to write about here, but it's been so long that I feel like I should. Things have been going pretty well. My job has pretty much consumed my life, which is okay -- at least so far, it's challenging, which is a good thing.

Actually, I really don't feel like writing at all. I haven't had any one thing in particular bothering me or dominating my thoughts recently. I'm just taking it one day at a time and hoping that once I've settled in to this new job and into a groove with school that one day I'll have a little money, a place of my own, some hobbies, some friends to spend some time with, and maybe someone special to... but that's probably a little while off.

Five years it's been! Five years since she said goodbye and I haven't had a relationship since. And I've been happy with that...

But am I missing out on something?

Friday, July 23, 2004

a short breather

So I haven't been posting in a while because I've been using what free moments I've had for mindless distractions, and all of this schoolwork and work-work has left me kind of dazed. Time is passing at a strange pace -- I don't even know what day it is without stopping to think hard about it. As I'm writing this I'm trying to figure out if I've missed a credit card or car payment this month... and now it's time for me to go to bed.

Wednesday, July 14, 2004

time and a half

Has it really been 10 days? It seems like four.

It appears that work is going to be working me 52-60 hours a week pretty consistently. I know that to some people that isn't too much; but to me it feels like it consumes my life. Especially since I'm one of those people who feels like hell whenever I don't get a full eight hours of sleep.

All in all the job is going well. I'm getting better at it. I like my co-workers for the most part and the management is bearable.

I got one class out of the way for school; the final went well. I'm really falling behind in my other class -- it's probably what I should be doing instead of this! Or maybe not -- I think this is important. Like praying. If I can't keep my head and heart in line, everything else falls out of place.

Time to get ready for bed...

Sunday, July 04, 2004

land of the free

Somewhere a family is sitting on a picnic blanket staring expectantly at the sky. The younger children are fidgeting with excitement over a treat made all the more delicious because it happens but once a year (and a year is an eternity to them). Mom is a bit worn out from keeping the kids under control, and dad is just happy to have two days off in a row (for once) and to have some time with the kids and the wife (despite a few furtive glances at scantily dressed young women walking by.)

Somewhere a teenage couple is sitting on the hood of a car staring at the same sky, but the blooming bursts of light are nothing compared to the electricity they feel when their hands touch.

Somewhere in a backyard, a group of old high school friends, separated by hundreds of miles from September through May, are enjoying some beer, burgers, and hot dogs; they're talking about grades, internships, and how the prom queen had a nervous breakdown (and was hospitalized with an eating disorder) while the plain Jane from AP History has a 4.0 at an Ivy League school and is now hot as hell.

Somewhere in the same neighborhood an extended family has taken over the living room, kitchen, deck, backyard, and parts of the street. Some aren't having a good time, but most are, some to their own surprise. The adults catch up on what they've been up to in the past 6 months and chat about the stock market, gas prices, and Saddam Hussein. The girls are out back chasing each other around with sparklers, while some of the more mischievous boys are out in the street launching bottle rockets horizontally. The less adventurous ones simply watch with awed grins.

Somewhere at a public park a group of veterans in black leather are waving red, white, and blue flags with genuine pride.

Somewhere at a coffee shop a group of highly educated but underemployed young people are bemoaning American imperialism and corporate greed.

Somewhere, a man in his mid-twenties hides in the same bedroom he's hidden in for the past 16 years, wondering why he feels so alone in it, and even more alone outside of it.