duck season

I'm why your eyes and ears are about to be bombarded with ads.

I'm that swing voter guy.

I vote for Republicans.

I vote for Democrats.

Sometimes, I even vote for Daffy Duck.

Sometimes, I don't even know who I'm voting for until I close my eyes in that booth and stare into my soul.

I did just that two years ago. And I saw that I couldn't vote for Bush again. Not after the disingenuous way that war was sold.

And I couldn't bring myeslf to vote for Kerry, either. He, in my eyes, like so many other Democrats, threw his support behind the war in large part out of political expediency.

That did not sit well with me.

I voted for Daffy.

And I just might vote for him again this fall.

So, to all of you non-water fowl candidates:

• "I'm not a Republican and I'm against Bush" is not strong enough of an argument to win my vote.

• If you're going to tell me you're going to "bring the troops home," you'd better damn well follow that up with an elucidation of what you expect the repercussions to be for the people of Iraq, the stability of the middle east, and our global reputation.

• Tell me why you're not working on anything substantive to fight global warming. Do you not care, or do you think you're a better scientist than scientists?

• If you're against raising taxes, tell me exactly why you're for passing the national debt onto me -- with interest. And if you say you're against that as well, tell me specifically what spending programs you are going to cut.

And if you can't do that, start quacking.

Or you just might be a lame duck.