losing the plot

Maybe I'll just sit here and write until the meds kick in, like I did back in the good old days. I've been reading some of my old posts just a few minutes ago and its good to have something down that can be bring me back to where I was. It's a strange feeling... it really does feel like it was written by someone else.

Anyway, I thought I'd write a bit down here so some future me will sit down and read this and remember who he was. Hopefully he'll be in a better place than I am now. I don't envy the person I've just been reading about -- he was very alone. I think I wrote in this blog a lot more back then because at the time it was my only friend. My world's grown since then -- even if it's just to include one other person. It's been a big step. But something about it still does not feel right. Not a whole lot does, really. Not a whole lot ever has.

I don't know what I'm supposed to be doing. I'm not sure that I'm supposed to be doing anything.

Does anyone else ever feel this way? This awful feeling that you were shoved onto the stage at the world's greatest play, but never given a script?